


There's No This

by mishaschmidt



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Cheating, I'm Sorry, M/M, No HEA, Relationship Issues, You've been warned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-22
Updated: 2018-04-22
Packaged: 2019-04-26 07:57:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14397690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mishaschmidt/pseuds/mishaschmidt
Summary: Andrew says a stupid thing, and Neil does a stupider thing.





	There's No This

**Author's Note:**

> I've been wanting to get this out of my head since I posted on Tumblr about it, and now here we are.
> 
> Just wanna say that I don't condone cheating, I don't think it's okay. I literally cannot wrap my head around the concept of why someone would cheat. Which is why I had to write this.
> 
> That being said, I just wanna say I'm sorry :)

It starts because of Andrew’s stubbornness.

Neil usually can brush it off. He’s used to it, used to Andrew adamantly stating that they’re not in a relationship, that Neil’s nothing to him.

Neil usually _understands_ Andrew. He gets Andrew. Andrew doesn’t like to show his feelings, hates his feelings for Neil.

It’s just, Neil’s not perfect. Neil’s human like everyone else. Sometimes, he needs reassurance. Sometimes, he needs to know that he’s putting time and effort into this… sort-of relationship for a _reason._

It starts because of Neil’s insecurity.

Or rather, his stupidity.

They’re standing in the kitchen of the house in Columbia. They’d come up here for their summer break, just for a few days to be by themselves. He doesn’t know what he expected, when he asked Andrew - almost jokingly but not really -  _hey, when should we celebrate our anniversary_?

He’d followed up the question with _oh and_ _when are you going to start calling me your boyfriend_?

Neil’s _human._ So when Andrew stares at him with a blank face and says, “what the fuck are you talking about?”, Neil can actually feel his heart shatter. He can actually feel the pieces of his broken heart piercing his insides.

“Andrew,” his voice is hollow, choked. They’ve been doing this steadily for two years. At some point, he thought Andrew would’ve stopped his bullshit. “I’m talking about this,” he points between two of them.

Andrew’s face morphs into something close to disgust, looking away. “There is no _this_ ,” Andrew grunts without hesitation. “You are nothing.”

Neil doesn’t even have the heart to respond with his usual line, _and you always said you want nothing._ This time, it burns.

The hollow feeling in his chest fills with white-hot rage. “Fuck you,” Neil growls, and Andrew just looks indifferent.

Neil was standing in the kitchen with Andrew, but he’d never felt more alone.

“No thanks,” Andrew brushes him off, and Neil’s so fucking angry, he can’t even see straight. Andrew turns to dig in the fridge for a bottle of whiskey, taking a swig from the bottle when he finds it.

Neil reaches out and grabs the bottle from him and smashes it onto the floor, shattering into pieces. Like Neil's heart. Unflinchingly, Andrew stares at the shards and whiskey on the floor. “The fuck is wrong with you, Josten?”

“What do you mean there’s no _this_?” Neil snarls. “We’ve been at it for two fucking years, Andrew! So what the fuck is it? Are we friends with benefits? Fuck buddies? You mean I’ve been wasting my time with you when I could’ve been with someone who isn’t so fucking emotionally constipated?”

His hands are trembling with anger and what fuels his fire is Andrew’s carefully blank face. “So stop wasting your time, then,” Andrew says evenly, the epitome of calm, and Neil clenched his jaw, grabbing his keys and turning on his heel, storming out before he could punch Andrew in his face.

The anger doesn’t go away, only festers, raging like a fire through him as the cold air hits him like a slap.

 _Fuck_ Andrew. Neil knows he shouldn’t drive angry, but he needs to get away, fumbling with his keys and driving to Eden’s because he needs a drink.

His body’s trembling with rage, walking into the club, feeling the booming music surge through his veins, heightening his fury. Eden’s just reminds him of Andrew, making him resent the blonde more.

_There’s no this._

Neil orders a vodka neat, ignoring Roland as he tries to make small talk. He slams back the alcohol, relishing in the warm burn, before letting himself get lost in the crowd because if he doesn’t get his mind off it, he’s having a breakdown.

_There’s no this._

Those are the words feeding Neil’s anger, feeding his resentment, his hatred of Andrew at that moment.

He so furious, he wants to _hurt_ Andrew, but he’d never ever lay a finger on him. So when he feels a body press against his, large strange hands landing on his hips and pressing their groin against his ass, he forces himself not to push them away.

He leans back against the hard body, moving with the stranger. A glance up reveals a young guy who’s not that too bad looking, tall, with brunet hair and dark eyes.

He doesn’t protest as the guy flips him, pressing their crotches together, rolling their hips, rubbing their bodies together in time with the loud music.

“I’m Kaleb,” the guy breathes in Neil’s ear, and Neil nods.

“Neil,” he murmurs, not caring if the guy hears him or not. The vodka burns through Neil, and it reminds him of all the reasons why he should do this. He wasted two years on a guy who refused to even admit what they were.

So it’s not like he and Andrew were _together._

Fuck Andrew, his brain supplies, and he listens.

Somehow, he and Kaleb end up in the bathroom, pressed against the wall, making out furiously. Neil doesn’t let himself think because if he does, all he’d remember his Andrew’s bland voice saying _there’s no this._

“Fuck,” Kaleb is breathing, and Neil can feel their hard cocks pressing against each other, and he makes the decision before it fully formulates in his brain, turning in Kaleb’s embrace, unbuckling his pants with trembling fingers and shoving them down.

He can hear Kaleb sucking in his breath sharply, whispering, “Are you sure?”

Neil barely stops himself from saying _get on with it, asshole,_ so he just says, “yeah”, because _yes_ is another reminder of Andrew.

Kaleb tries to take his time, but he'd never come close to Andrew's meticulousness. Neil’s fist curls against the wall, choking through the slight pain, barely holding back his soft sobs because he _hates_ Andrew for doing this to him.

It's like Kaleb's fucking the anger out of Neil. Neil doesn’t even get hard, brushing Kaleb off whenever he tries to fumble with Neil’s cock, stifling his cries. Kaleb’s so gone, he doesn’t even realise, burying his head in Neil’s neck, nipping at his skin to hold back his grunts.

When Kaleb’s done, and pulling out of Neil and zipping up his pants, the reality of what just happened slams into Neil like a freight train. He commands Kaleb to get out in a shaky, panicky voice, and when he’s gone, Neil looks down at himself, at his soft cock and at his pants around his ankles and feels the lube between his asscheeks and he wants to _die._

He doesn’t leave the bathroom, not even when a guy bangs on it because he wants to puke. He just curls up on the closed toilet, his insides feeling carved out and hollow.

He isn’t angry, he isn’t _anything._ He can't even cry. It’s like Andrew had said-  _you’re nothing._

The bile rushes up his throat before he can stop it, and he pukes his guts out into the toilet. When he’s done, he stumbles outside. Although Kaleb had tried to take his time, there was barely any prep, and his asshole and lower back hurt, throbbing with pain, but it's nowhere close to the pain of his hollowness. He deserves it because he’s _disgusting._

He rinses his mouth out without looking at himself in the mirror because he knows he already looks like a mess. He knows he probably looks pale and disgusting.

_There’s no this._

Neil sniffs, taking deep, shaky breaths. He should go back. Even if he was returning for Andrew to kick him out. He couldn’t undo what he did with Kaleb and Andrew couldn’t undo what he said.

Neil doesn’t let himself think, holding back his vomit as he limps out of the club, going back to the house, dread filling the pit of his stomach like a stone.

He hopes Andrew is sleeping. He couldn’t face the blonde right now, not what after he did. The lights are off, so there’s that hope.

But when he enters, Andrew’s sitting on the couch in the darkness. He stands as soon as he sees Neil come in.

“Where the fuck were you?” is the first thing Andrew growls, and Neil winces. The light flares on, and Neil takes a step back at the sudden brightness.

“Eden’s,” Neil mumbles, looking anywhere but at Andrew.

"I'm sor-," Andrew starts, but then cuts off and Neil's heart breaks even more as he watches Andrew’s eyes roam over his face, seeing the subtle change. Neil reads him perfectly, observing Andrew's eyes harden and his lips press together.

“I see,” Andrew corrects himself lowly, and Neil frowns, his heart skipping beats as he moves to look at himself in the mirror in the hallway. Terror courses through him when he sees his reflection. Beside his pale skin and bloodshot eyes, there are numerous hickeys lined up the side of his neck.

Fuck.

Neil swallows. “What did you do?” Andrew’s voice turns into the emotionless one that sent Neil spiralling before. It works just as well now.

“You said there was no this,” Neil bites, the familiar anger making an appearance once again. He takes a limping step toward Andrew. He sees the moment Andrew zones in on the limp and he flushes with rage. “So fuck off.”

“He fucked you,” Andrew’s voice drops dangerously, and Neil doesn’t respond, jaw clenched and hands balled into fists.

There was no _this,_ so Andrew had no fucking right to get angry at him.

Andrew stares at Neil for a few minutes and Neil hates, he _hates_ that not even _that_ could get emotion on Andrew’s face. His face is so carefully blank that it makes Neil want to rip into him to find his emotions.

Andrew looks away, grabbing his keys, walking past Neil. The only sign of his emotional state is the whitening of his knuckles from how hard he grips the keys.

Andrew pauses before he exits, turning back to look at Neil briefly, and every part of Neil shatters as he shows Neil the pain in his eyes.

“I knew you were a pipe dream,” Andrew chokes out, before slamming the door so hard, the sound reverberates throughout the house.

**Author's Note:**

> *hides under a rock*


End file.
